“Dear Lord, thank you for all of our blessings… and please be with John and help him find a home. In Jesus name….” So has gone the prayer of our five year old every night for over a year.

For the better part of four years, “John” has lived on the streets of Springfield, Missouri. I have known him personally for almost a decade, having worked with him at the same employer several years back. And for the last year, my wife and I had been working with him to secure some type of housing, even if temporary. We had worried, prayed and suffered the ups and downs with him as he became a member of our household and family.

Having already discovered that shelters are in short supply for homeless single men, our single biggest challenge had become – so we thought – securing funding for a small place to get John through the coming winter months.  With the prolonged recession, we were thrilled when a private donor stepped forward to help get a man off the street. We have the money so problem solved, I naively thought.

After searching for apartment complexes within budget, we found a small complex located right on the bus line. It would be efficient, safe and close to necessary services.  I went in to visit with the office manager and see if we could start the process to get John moved in. After visiting with the leasing agent first and explaining the situation, she mentioned there shouldn’t be any problems and got the manager to make sure.

“So you’re here to help your friend get moved in, correct?” she asked me.

“I am. And I wanted to see if I would need to co-sign for him since he hasn’t been employed for a while. Is there anything besides that and the deposit that you would need from me?”

“No, not as long as there aren’t any felonies in the last ten years or sexual stuff. Any problems there?”

“No issues other than bad credit” I replied. I felt a ton of bricks lifted from my shoulders knowing John would finally have shelter.

“Why hasn’t he been working?” she asked.

“Well, he is disabled and work is hard to find right now. But we have the funds to cover the lease and I can serve as a co-signer if that is an issue.”

“No that isn’t a problem at all,” she reassured me.

We spoke about the economy and when he would be moving in and it seemed that I would be on my way shortly. That was before our conversation took a 180-degree turn south.

“Just out of curiosity, what does your friend do with all his time since he doesn’t work?” the manager asked me.

“Well, he has been homeless so he has spent a fair amount of time holding a sign asking for help with work or food,” I answered.

It was too late and I realized I couldn’t pull the words back, especially the worst one - homeless. I might as well have told her he tortured kittens for fun and I knew it as her face and demeanor instantly changed to one of shock and disbelief.

“Ohhh… he’s homeless?!?” she asked me as her body tensed up. “I can’t have his kind around here.”

I felt as if I had been punched in the gut by a prizefighter as I felt the blood drain from my face.

“But there are no problems. He doesn’t cause any trouble or anything, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“Well, I can’t have a drinker here – I’m not dealing with that!”

“He doesn’t drink,” I said.

“Well, I’m not having some homeless man who is likely a drunk or drug addict living here! I’ve worked too hard to turn this property around,” she said. “And I’m sure there is sexual stuff and I just won’t deal with that kind of problem. We have kids that live here…we can’t have some pervert here who has nothing to do and too much time on his hands.”

“He doesn’t drink, do drugs and there has never been a single accusation of anything sexual,” I said with my blood pressure rising quickly.

It was to no avail. She was done and told me so. She wasn’t taking any chances on his sort since they all sucked like leeches off the system and begged for money instead of getting a job. It was all I could do to hide my complete outrage and disgust as she finished her tirade against “those people.”

As she showed me the door, there was no apology, no half-hearted attempt at one. There wasn’t a single glint of humanity – it had left her countenance the moment after the word homeless had left my lips.

John had warned me about the incredible amount of obstacles homeless have to overcome when we started down this road together – now I had seen pathetic bias at its worst.

After several follow-up calls, I discovered that homelessness is not a protected class.  It’s perfectly legal to discriminate against someone due to their living situation.  We eventually found John a place.  And now as I drive by the apartment complex on Ingram Mill Road with some lingering sadness, I think of my young son’s prayer.

“Dear Lord, be with those who don’t have a home….” Amen.

Doing our homework is a good thing. Because it is one thing to say something incorrect out loud. Assuming the mistake is made in casual conversation, you can make the correction or clarify your position after realizing what you have said. And people say things out loud all of the time without having the chance to really think through their position so correcting one’s stance is easy and quick to do. Not so with the written word. It is assumed that before the words go into print, everything has been carefully thought out.

That is why I cringed recently when I realized that my stance on a particular issue had changed, even as the hard copy was just hitting people’s hands to read. The short version goes like this: like many across America, I suffered from a knee-jerk reaction to the Penn State scandal where a number of young boys were allegedly mollested by assistant football coach Jerry Sandusky. I wrote an opinion piece for the newspaper joining Missouri Attorney General Chris Koster in a call for all Missourians to be mandated reporters (under penalty of being charged with a misdemeanor).

The problem with my stance was that research shows no better protection for children in states where mandated reported is required by law. That is because, generally speaking, far more people turn in bogus claims which results in resources being strained even further than they are in other states. In fact, children are likely done more harm than good with these type of over-reaching laws. Add to that the fact that people don’t generally appreciate having common sense dictated to them as law and you can imagine that hate mail I received.

So, no sooner had my column hit the paper than I wanted to retract my stance and change my position. It didn’t matter. Even in today’s digital age, some things are still written in old fashioned hard copy and cannot be re-written. It was a good reminder and learning lesson for me - what’s put into print stays in print. I’ll remember that… and make sure to remember my homework. Have a great Christmas!

With Halloween trick-or-treating now a distant memory and Thanksgiving arriving shortly, I wonder what memories Colton will have when he is much older. I wonder because our memories from childhood have a profound effect on how we are shaped and molded into adulthood. And getting tons of candy while dressed up and running around the neighborhood are bound to be some of my fondest.

This year, I wanted to make sure I wasn’t “that parent” who is the wierd one living vicariously through their child. I’m critical in my mind of parents who live lives through their children, so I try to be especially cautious to avoid that with our five year old. Nonetheless, I believed it was essential to hit the houses as hard as we could, for as long as we could, to retrieve the most candy possible. In my mind, I needed to map out the neighborhood and maximize candy retrieval. We’ll get the most candy possible, I told myself.

As the evening wore on, Colton got more and more tired. But, he stuck with it. Even as we passed the nine o’clock mark, he was able to trudge on for just a few more houses. We both agreed that it would be fun to hit as many houses as we could for the last twenty minutes or so and then call it good. We even got a kick out of me carrying him the last several houses so we could move faster (something I won’t be able to do much longer at all).

Toward the end, Colton assured me that I wasn’t pushing too hard for candy - that he wanted as much as he could get as well. Maybe he was telling the truth… or maybe he was just excited because I was so pumped. Either way, we had a blast collecting as much chocolate as we could both carry, long after mom and friends had called it quits. Well into November now, this past Halloween is just a fading memory. But it’s a memory of fun and more fun that he may carry with him well into adulthood. I hope so.

The changes in technology have been nothing short of amazing in the last few decades; that much is clear. What is also amazingly clear is the disparity between those who fight it and those who understand that, like it or not, they must embrace it to some extent. For most of us here in the United States, some of the Facebook and Twitter frenzy has finally worn off and we are a bit more accustomed to instant data at our fingertips. We are comfortable with receiving the news as it happens and almost have come to expect it since it has been that way for several years now.

And for most of us, a realization is setting in… a realization that is as comforting as an old friend. The realization that has dawned on me at some point in the last year or two is something that became a common phrase long ago: the more things change, the more they stay the same. The cliche is overused both verbally and in print but here is what we know now. Despite rumors to the contrary, we aren’t going to see the end of printed books before the end of the year. We aren’t going to all be replaced by robots and people do still like to deal with a live person - all things an old-timer would have likely told you if you would have asked him thirty years ago or better. We aren’t going to be transported from one place to another like in Star Trek or riding our space cars like they do in the Jetsons. In short, the beginning of the 21st century was a bit of a non-event.

I mention all of this because I recently began writing an opinion column for our local newspaper (found under news-leader.com under “local columnists” in the opinion section if you’re interested) and it got me thinking about change. When I got my start in writing for newspapers back in college, I was told by many at the time that they would never last another ten years. But like books, last they did. They adapted, became more lean and mean (some went under), went online and stuck around. And I suspect they always will. Personally, I enjoy taking part in creating something that has been created in print in some communities for hundreds of years - local news. I have been writing professionally for over 15 years now, in a medium I was told would wouldn’t be around much longer. Those technological changes we keep hearing and reading about? It’s pretty amazing stuff… but I don’t think I’ll give up on an old friend any time soon. As always, I look forward to your thoughts.

Labor Day is one of those funny holidays - funny in that some would argue its signifcance has been largely lost in the 21st century. If memory serves me correctly, it began as a celebration of the American worker… the worker and something to do with the role organized labor has played in the history of our great nation. With all of our labor laws in place and protections for individuals, most Americans under the age of 80 would be hard pressed to tell you why the holiday is still important. So, might as well do away with it, right? Maybe not….

Even though consumerism is rappant and many places are open on Labor Day now, there are still some which are closed - it’s rare but it happens every so often. We have gone to a nation where businesses are open on Christmas, Thanksgiving, Halloween,  and 25 hours a day. We move at lightning speed and loath the moment where we slow down. But the rare occasion where a business is closed gives some families time to spend together going to the park, watching football, and simply enjoying each others company.

We could argue on and on as to whether Americans have too much time off or not nearly enough. Are Americans lazy and looking for an excuse to get paid for not working or hard working and stressed to the point that we need to enjoy more free time like our European counterparts? Obviously the question is subjective and only answerable from a biased viewpoint. However, it would be hard to argue that too many holidays are the problem. With all civilized societies struggling to hold families together, a formal day to kick back and relax is tough to argue against.

As for me, I’m glad Labor Day is here. I’m not entirely sure why it’s here but I’m not concerned. Maybe I’ll google it to find out for sure… right after our family gets back from the park.

Four words that seem easy enough to utter. “Thank you” and “You’re Welcome.” Both short phrases seem a bit hard to come by these days.

Sadly, the first seems to be an entitlement issue. Many of us rarely hear any thanks because the person on the receiving end feels no need to be thankful or grateful to begin with. In other words, why would someone thank me for an act of some sort if they automatically feel entitled anyway? Maybe they have just forgotten to say those simple words or were in a big hurry… or maybe we have reached a societal level where “you owe me anyway” is the norm. I’m not sure.

There are some of us who are old fashioned. We say “thank you” and mean it when someone shows kindness and goes out of their way, even in the smallest area. When uttering my thanks to a young man recently he blurted out back to me “it’s not a problem” to which I wanted to say something like “I didn’t say that it was a problem; I said thank you.” Had I said that, I have no doubt he would have looked at me like I was speaking Japanese - my sarcasm would have gotten me nowhere. The point is that the proper response would have been “You’re welcome” or “I’m glad to be of service.”

Responding to thanks with a mindless “no problem” shows both a lack of social skills and understanding of how conversation works… but that is the going norm. Please keep in mind I’m not necessarily complaining in written form; I am however suggesting that we should think as we speak. Because to this day, “thank you” and “you’re welcome” go a long way. As always, I look forward to your thoughts.

“Half the battle is just showing up.” A few different versions of this quote have been attributed over the years to Annie Hall and Woody Allen, among others. I mention the quote because I have been increasingly convinced that showing up - most every time - is one of the critical components to any successful endeavor in life. I would even change the quote slightly to my own version. Mine varies from the original quote only slightly. “A good project is a done project.” By that I mean that sometimes it is NOT necessary to do everything with utmost precision; rather, the task simply needs completing.

When Old Testament David showed up to battle it out with Goliath, he was by far the expected loser. He was a much shorter kid with no armor, no fighting skills, and comparatively little strength. There was almost no reasonable chance that he would even live through the fight, much less win it. And yet he won. In large part because he showed up. 

On a smaller scale, the same thing can be said about completing any reasonable task. Most of us fret and fret about the quality of whatever it is we are setting out to do. We wonder how to get started, what the best angle is, how we will avoid major mistakes, and what others will think of our task. In reality, nine times out of ten we just need to get started doing something. In the many years now that I have taught public speaking, I’ve noticed that starting is often one of the largest obstacles for the speaker. Days before the actual speech, the speaker will still be wondering about which examples to include or leave out, wondering what to wear, and how many people will be in the audience. Those questions usually answer themselves, but the person has to figure out how to start the speech first.

Make no mistake - being prepared for a major event is important. And quality does in fact mean something. But too often those take a back seat to just showing up and/or getting started which is often equally as important. A good example is the washed up rock group Guns and Roses, which was a big name 25 years ago. They were one of the biggest names in rock and roll of the 1980’s and early 90’s. Granted, if you bought a ticket you were likely to hear nothing but expletives and stupidity from the lead singer’s mouth. But at least you might hear a concert. For the last 20 years though, shame on you if you even buy a ticket… they don’t usually show up to their concerts. Like the George Jones of previous decades, the talent was there for you to enjoy… IF the talent showed up.

Showing up and getting started - two things that seem simple enough. But when it comes right down to it for most of us, accomplishing those two tasks can be plenty tough at times. At least we know that once we’ve shown up and started, we are half way there. At that point we’ve gotten further than some… we’ve gotten started and won half the battle before it even starts.